Self discovery and the art of sticking to it …

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I woke up feeling miserable today.

I won’t go into the gory details. But it was enough to discourage me from running. OK, I’m not really “running” still … I’m doing the “Couch-to-5-K” program, and I was to start week 3 today. But it involves 3 minute runs, which to someone who runs sounds ridiculously easy, but for an overweight, looking 50 in the eye in a few years — a few short years — woman who is prone to not follow through on all things physical … well, it was enough to make me sick, if I weren’t already sick.

Anyway … as the day progressed, I had absolutely zero motivation to do anything but laundry and dishes. I attempted to find a friend’s family funeral, went without directions, thinking “Oh, it’s a small town.” Even stopped to ask for directions (which lead me the wrong flipping way). Gave up. Took a few pictures. Went home. I couldn’t even bring myself to cook a descent dinner. And for those who know me … I always love to cook.

The “baby” had soccer, so I took her. On the way, got a call from the Big Boy, both of which made my evening. So as I was sitting, watching soccer, I made a decision.

I made the decision that I felt well enough to run. And  If I felt well enough to run, I best get off my butt and go do it.

It was a beautiful night. I thought it might be cold, so I took my jacket. But that was my only mistake, ’cause when you run you do warm up fast. The sun was setting, the wind dying down. Traffic was past rush hour and the music (Relient K tonight) was perfect.

As I was doing my thing, I realized that it was the first time in a long time I have actually stuck with an exercise program. I use to walk, but since leaving and moving to our new place two years ago (almost) I have been unable to stick to it. I am the queen of beginnings, but the jester of follow through.

Then I reminded myself that it is all up to me. Whether I get out and “do” this thing … whether I become a runner or simply add to my quitter repertoire, it’s in my court. And I can make a thousand excuses (being as sick as I was this morning would be more than enough to discourage me before). It’s up to me.

So, it’s also up to me to beat this attitude of defeat. It’s up to me to continue to tell myself I can do this. I’ve had a ton of support from friends, but the actual execution of getting off my duff, lacing up those shoes, and plugging in my ipod rests completely in the hands of the person typing this blog.

So now, I’m feeling pretty accomplished. Got back from the walk, cleaned the kitchen, folder laundry, and now am catching up on the trinkets of technology I let slip today. I’m making plans to check some things off “the list” tomorrow … well, we’ll see.

Right now, I’m enjoying the feeling of actually doing something. Knowing that I fought off the first big enemy of lethargic temptation, and this time, I was victorious. The next time might be a different story, but right now, I have discovered that I CAN DO THIS THING. And for tonight, that’s all I need.

 

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2 responses »

  1. BTW, I really like your writing style. Very casual and conversational. Love it.

    And very proud of you. I understand what you are going through. I finally decided, after years of losing some, then gaining it back, rinse and repeat, to finally lose all the weight for good. Stick with the exercise, stick with the diet, change my attitude, change my life.

    And here we are: you doing 3 minute runs and me down 50 pounds since January 2 (my goal is 120 pounds in 12 months).

    Hang in there. We can high five together at the finish line.

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