Anger and Pain

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I’ve had a serious issue with back pain for about three months now. Not having insurance, I’ve tried every non-professional remedy I know: heat, ice, ibuprofen, stretches, yoga. I’ve had my husband use vigorous pressure on it, and I’ve used solid objects to press painfully into the spot because somehow when I stopped, it felt better.

There has been some relief. But not much. I was to a point where I was going to suck it up and go see the chiropractor.

Then last night, I lost it. I had a variety of little things pile up against me to the point that I literally lost my temper and released a cathartic stream of anger and tears that lasted hours. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t uncontrolled — I didn’t strike out physically or scream obscenities at my family (although I think I hurt lion boy’s feelings unintentionally because the catalysis was him asking about laundry soap at 12:30 am … but that had nothing to do with my anger).

I cried myself to sleep, regretting the outburst and trying with all my might to figure out what the hell my problem was.

An unusual thing happened this morning, though. When I woke up, I scurried around the house, getting ready for an insanely busy day for the family. As I was finally taking a breath at the little one’s soccer game, I looked at my husband and said, “For the first time in months, my back hasn’t hurt today.” It was weird. I could turn, bend, stretch … and there was no pain. The continual pain and lump in the lower left side of my back was gone.

I didn’t take anything for the pain last night or today. I didn’t do any of my prefabbed rituals that have kept me sane for months.

I started wondering … was it the pain build up that created the wave of anger? And then I wondered … did the tangible release of anger actually release my pain with it?

I started searching around the internet (the ultimate source of all knowledge, don’tchaknow) and came across these articles: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorced-children/200902/pain-anger-and-hurting-back.  And also: http://www.arachnoiditis.info/website_captures/chronicpainhandbook/Anger%20and%20Chronic%20Pain.htm I know these doesn’t totally explain the phenomena. But, it’s interesting … I’d never thought of it.

I believe we can control a lot that happens in our body through mental stamina and things like exercise, meditation, and prayer. And while a positive mental attitude isn’t the answer to everything, an optimistic outlook on life is usually better for us than the “Eeyore” syndrome.

All I know is that, with the exception of the huge, horrible release of angry frustration that I experienced, I did nothing different. And while I’m in no way suggesting this is good therapy … I’m still feeling a bit numb and lost today … my back feels better.

Anyone else ever experience such a phenomena? If so, let me know.

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2 responses »

  1. No … you’re absolutely right. Now, it’s about finding the “formula” (personal and do-able) to keep everything in balance …

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